“How do I tell my partner that he’s doing it wrong?” “

SOS MAÏA

In theory, sexuality is no longer taboo. In practice, there are questions that we dare not ask anyone … In any case, anyone who can judge us (partners, friends) or recognize us (doctors, shrinks). Some confessions are bottles in the sea, anonymous, which are almost private diaries. Some questions, on the other hand, could concern millions of people and would benefit from being discussed collectively.

For years now, the columnist of “La Matinale” Maïa Mazaurette (who is not a sex therapist, let us remember!) Has received hundreds of messages. She now answers them once a month, as part of her Sunday column, with her proverbial good humor – and her very personal obsession with a host of statistics.

Hello Maïa, I have a very simple question: what is your opinion on “slow sex”?

Well, it all depends on the seasoning. The idea of ​​exercising your capacity for erotic attention, of taking your time to make love, seems wonderful to me … unless, really, you plan to send the reports in five minutes and forty seconds (that’s the average time penetration). However the slow sex, a tote concept largely inspired by tantric sex, tends to associate with a New Age essentialism that I personally find naive and counterproductive (but that’s certainly because my “sacred feminine” is poorly calibrated). the slow sex in fact often refers to a feminine nature (passive and loving), opposed to a masculine nature (active and sexual). Women would make love with their hearts, men with their penises – in short, a great return to the Mars and Venus section of your bookstore.

In my opinion, not only are these conceptions obsolete, but they anesthetize the sexual possibilities, since each body has a unique role. Having said that, let’s not throw it away slow sex with the bath water. Most of the practical advice is interesting (the focus on touch and breathing, guilt-free performance and orgasm, etc., I told you about it in December 2019). As for the theory, we can always leave it in the closet.

Does having sex with a man on the first night make me a “learned” or “easy” woman?

I allow myself to rephrase: it is not you, personally, who have sex. They are two people together. Including a man, who exercises his own responsibility. If a partner blames you or disrespects you for an action that he or she allows himself (and pushes you to do), then that partner is immoral and hypocritical. So much for the possibly disapproving gaze of men. As for your guilt, perhaps we could drown it under the number of “easy women”: in 2015, 34% of French women had already slept the first night, and 55% of men (IFOP-Cam4).

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